Getting Down To Business!!!!!!!

I havent been doing everything in my power to lose this extra weight. I bought a shirt the other day that was a size 18/20 and it fit. I havent been able to fit into an 18/20 in at least 3 ish years. My mom has been doing weight watchers since January and is as skinny as a rail! I am so proud of her. She deserves to be happy and skinny. I am going to be that skinny too. I have a goal. The goal is to wear a bathing suit with no shirt over it and no shorts in a pool. If i can, get into a pink polka dot bikini. I only had a bikini once and it wasnt a good sight. I can do this. I just need some motivaiton. So here is what I am going to give myself when I get into a size 10. I am going to go into a store in the mall and buy an outfit that isnt in the plus sizes. I cant wait. I am going to rock this!

Date Night

Tonight the hubby and I went on a date. We went to PF Changs and OMG it was so good. We dont usually eat like that or thta good, and it was amazing. Then came home and did some laundry with my homemade laundry soap! And the hubby did some dishes. He is the most amazing partner any one could have asked for. I have one more day of work this week and then I am going to be making this house my B$%!#. I am going to scrub and scrub! I see these TV shows where moms and wives work all week and keep a clean house. Why cant i? It bugs me. Well I am getting sleepy so gonna go now.

Monday

This day was never ending! But it was actually the first day that I felt a difference in the weight loss journey that I am on. I know this is going to sound so stupid, but my belly button wasnt as deep. Since I have a huge belly, by button was deep. But its not any more. Its getting shallow. I heard somewhere that there was a woman who was so overweight she thought she had an inny belly button, but it turns out she has an outie. Her fat had totally taken over her button and made it an inny. how gross is that? well my meds are kicking in. Going to sleep now. Night world of blogging.

Sitting on my couch on pain meds...

I got an AB LOUNGER 2 ! Its a machine that helps you do crunches. I am up to 125 a day. OMG my stomach muscles are so ouch! I also got the work out video with Bob Harper. He is the yummy southern instructor on THE BIGGEST LOSER! That work out kicked my ass! There is no other way to put it. Tonight I am taking a break from working out. I have lost 4 more pounds this week. So I think I can just chill tonight. My husband is a pilot and right now he is on a flight from Omaha back to home. So being alone I went wild!!!! I cleaned the kitchen and took a bath! I know right? Then I decided to start the Christmas gift ideas. Last year I made all of the Christmas gifts I gave out. I crocheted hats, scarfs, phone covers, pot holders...you name it I made it. This year thanks to Pinterest, I am making all sorts of cool things. Jars of sugar scrubs, jars of dried mixes. The best part of being home alone, well not totally alone I have Luna, but the best part about being home alone I can make my list  of stuff to make and let me creative juices flow. I have always wanted to make crafts ever since I was little. I would beg my mom to keep old pringle cans and egg cartons for art projects. I was a weird child yes....I know. But see it my way, I was the youngest for a VERY LONG time and when we moved over to the middle east I didnt have many friends. In turn I made my own entertainment. Being a chunky person my whole life I had to create my own fun a lot. Not alot of people want to be the chunky kids friend. Those who are and were my friends I LOVE THEM. Dont get me wrong I am thankful for my friends and their amazing influence they have on my life. I would rather have two close as heck friends then a bunch of not friends.

Since my weight loss journey, one of the goals I have is to get my back to stop hurting. In 2006 I was picking a chair off the floor and my back just snapped. Luckily I worked near where my mom worked and I called her crying cause I couldnt breathe, couldnt stand up, I was hunched over like a hermit. To get to my mom's car I had to be wheeled out to it. LONG STORY SHORT---- my back has never been strong since. It hurts to stand for long time, it hurts to walk for a long time. Even laying for a while, it hurts. I am currently on pain meds that make every ache and pain in my body go away. I cant feel my toes sometimes when taking this medication. Its some great stuff.

I got a compliment at my job this week. Those are few and far between. We are recorded on all of our calls and then from those recordings we were evaluated. One thing that you have to do on the calls is make an emotional connection with your caller. If you miss part of a call three or more times you get coached on it. Well I try and make that emotional connection on each call, but my job is so repetitive that sometimes, its more like "GET OFF MY PHONE NOW". But my call evaluator this month told me during our coaching "listening to you is great, you make my job easy" I have been at this job for almost 4 years .I havent been at a job that long in my life. I didnt think I would have been there this long. If I hadnt started working from home, I would have quit. A regular that I talk to every day got me on the phone and they said "OH THANK GOD SOMEONE WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE DOING" Its nice to know that I know what I am doing. I usually just BS my way through my day. Well that is enough rambling tonight, I am on my pain meds so I should probably get going. Till tomorrow :-)

Thursday

I just finished my finals for the classes I have been taking. Its such a relief to have them done. I have "spring break" this week, but I still have to work which sucks. I want to have some time off from both. Get my house clean, get on track with laundry again. OH THAT WOULD BE GREAT! I have mountain o laundry staring at me in the face. It sucks. I am so tired. I didnt get my walk in today. Just have no motivation :(

Up in the middle of the night

I am awake...shocker I know. I am trying to figure out how to get on track with this weight loss challenge I gave myself. My goal is to be a size 12/14 by the end of summer. I know that sounds like an "out there" goal, some people have already told me that I wont be able to do it. Or I will fail epically. I kinda want to smack them in the face and show them that I can do this. I didnt wake up early today and go for a walk like I wanted too.

Other things are on my mind right now. And I cant seem to turn my brain off and relax. I finally confronted my dad about how he makes me feel when he makes snide comments about my weight. He told me that he loves me no matter what. I know he loves me. He is my dad. Here is a pic of my dad and me. This was at my wedding 4 years ago.

This was when I was a size 18. Two months after I got married my best friend got married and I was a size 16 at her wedding. Looking back at these photos I really can not wait to be that small again. I know that size isnt small, but to me i was happier and better looking back then. Anyway back to my dad and my conversation. I was my dad's little girl for a long time. Then he remarried and his new wife had a daughter. I love my step sister and dont resent her in any way! But I dont think my dad loves me as much as he loves her. She is so talented and pretty. And she is skinny. She is smart, and just perfect in every way. I cant measure up to that. I am going to try to though. I am going to reinvent myself and make myself better. I will love myself more and my husband will see me as a trophe wife. Here is my husband and I. I love him a whole heck of a lot.

SUNDAY!

I thought that this day would never get here! Its my day off! Oh how I love my days off. But this is a special sunday! My sister is 14 today. She is an amazing young lady. She is so smart and funny OMG is she funny. She can be a pain in the butt, but most siblings are. SHe is one of my best friends. I know that I would be lost with out her in my life. Here is a pic of my sister.

She is my world. I love her! OK enough about how much I love her, which is a lot. I haven't been walking as much as I should have been this last week. Work has been insanely busy and I just have NO energy afterwards to get up and go. BUT I did acquire an  AB Lounger 2. It assists with doing crunches. I am now up to 100 crunches a day. OMG i was so sore the first few days but now I love it. It feels great!

Roasted Red Pepper Chicken Alfredo...

This is what it looks like when you are done! Its so good!!!!

Here’s how I made it:

Start out with 2 red peppers on a sheet tray. Stick these into a preheated 500 degree oven for 20-30 minutes.

While those are cooking away, chop some onion

and garlic.

Saute these in some olive oil until tender, about 7 minutes or so.

Once the roasted red peppers are all charred and dark looking, take them out of the oven and cover with foil. You want these to cool because they are hotter than the sun at this point in time…

Now, back to the onions. Pour in some fat free half & half

along with some garlic and herb goat cheese. I got this at a grocery store called New Seasons Market. I just started shopping there recently and LOVE it. Basically, it’s like the Oregon equivalent of Whole Foods.

So, you just want to stir the cheese and half & half in together until the cheese is melted into the sauce.  Keep this warm over low heat.

Now grate some parmesan cheese. Please find and use the good quality stuff. You’ll know it’s real by the rind. If the rind has parmigiano reggiano printed on the rind, then it’s good.

At this point, your red peppers should be all wrinkled. That should make it super easy to peel the skin off. Remove the stem and seeds too while you’re at it.

This is what they should look like when you’re done. Chop these babies up

and toss them into the sauce with all that cheese. Stir until the cheese is melted.

Now comes the fun part. Grab an immersion blender and puree the peppers and onions together to create your alfredo sauce. Feel free to do this in a food processor too. I like mine sort of on the chunky side so I didn’t go buck wild with the blending.

Once you’re sauce is done, toss in some pasta and that’s it!

Hello gorgeous! I added extra cheese, salt, pepper and parsley to make it look purdy.

Don’t you want to dive right in? Yum yum yum times a million.

I didn’t bother with plates…

Hope you guys give this one a whirl! Dessert to come on Friday! 

Roasted Red Pepper & Goat Cheese Alfredo

Ingredients:
2 whole red bell peppers
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 small onion, diced
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 cup fat free half & half
4 oz. garlic & herb goat cheese
2/3 cup grated parigiano reggiano cheese
1/2 cup artichoke hearts (optional)
1/2 lb. linguine, cooked to al dente
salt & pepper, to taste

Directions:
Preheat oven to 500 degrees. Place red peppers on baking sheet and bake 20-30 minutes until peppers are charred. Remove from oven and cover with foil 10 minutes.
In the mean time, saute onions and garlic in olive oil 7 minutes or until tender. Pour in half & half, goat cheese, salt & pepper. Stir to melt goat cheese into sauce and keep warm over low heat.
Uncover peppers, peel off skin and remove stem and seeds. Chop into large pieces and place into sauce along with parmesan cheese. Stir to melt cheese and remove from heat. Pour sauce into food processor and puree, or use an immersion blender. Place back into hot pan and toss with cooked pasta. Taste and adjust seasonings. Top with more parmesan cheese, pepper, salt and parsley, if desired.

venting

I love my friends! Tonight, I am just so down in the dumps and I text a friend. He makes me feel so much better! Brian you are awesome. I am getting up early tomorrow to go work out. I have to start doing something other than just walking around the block. 8/12 some of my co workers and I are going to go do the incline here in Colorado Springs. For it not to kill me, I have to start somewhere! Going to bed now!

Tuesday

So today is my day off from work. I wanted to get some homework done, so I sat down at the table with my laptop and my notebook for that class, and I just can't get into it. I am uncomfortable all over! This makes me start to have a panic attack. I hate myself right now. I hate the way I look, and feel. I hate the way I dress. I hate the way my hair is. I hate everything right now. My house is clean! Thats the only thing that I like right now. My amazing friend Barb came over last week and scrubbed my house while I was working. She is a God send. With out her I would be buried in a dirty house. I need a vacation from my life...Can you take those? Oy I am going for a walk to clear my mind. I will write more later...Not sure who is reading this, but if you are reading this..say a prayer for me please.

Trying to get inspired

I have been feeling really down on myself. I dont feel that I am good enough for anyone. I dont deserve to have the things I have or to do the things I do. I want to be a size 12/14. I will get tht size, its not going to happen over night and its going to take hard work. I can do this!

Up with a stomach that hates me

Its Saturday night, Easter eve. My stomach is on fire. not sure what is wrong with it. I had chicken for dinner...and peanut butter for lunch. LONG STORY! To start it off, my internet went down today and I work from home, so it was either go into the office or call out sick. I cant use sick time for that, so I had about 30 mins to get into the office. I hadnt showered and was in my jammies. Then I didnt get to actually sit in my own desk so I looking through my friend's desk to get food..she had peanut butter. Not exactly what I needed, but it woke me up and got my stomach to stop making noises. Then I came home and the honey brought me dinner. I have papers due for school and I am pulling my hair out. BUT THE GOOD NEWS from this awful week, I have lost 3 more pounds. I wish I had lost more, but it is what it is. I started watching the biggest loser, and I went as far as filling out an application for it and making my application video to get on that show. I then thought to myself, I dont need "bob" the trainer yelling at me and telling me I am fat and to move my ass. I can tell my self that, and do tell myself that often. So I am going to work extra hard this next week and lost 5 more lbs by next week.

Saw my mom yesterday and she is so tiny right now! She is doing so great! Just wanted to give you a shout out momma! I love you more than candy!

"I wont let you close enough to hurt me"

Right now I am listening to the Adele song "turn the tables" the best line of that song is "I wont let you close enough to hurt me". Its true. I am not an easy person to get close too. Things happen in my child hood that caused that. What can you do? So this day has been one crap storm after another! The alternator in my car went out and had to pray that I got to the repair shop in time. Other wise I would have been crying on the side of the road! I have two huge projects in school due this week and havent even started them. My house is a mess, and I am losing my mind.

On a happy note, I havent gained any weight. Havent lost any, but havent gained either. That is a good thing. So I am staying where I am for now, I will work more at it when I am not so stressed. My life is hectic and I like it most days but right now I am stressed. Gonna go clean...