Been way to Long since I have posted

Oy so much has happened. I started working at Glen Eyrie. Glen Eyrie is a Castle here in Colorado Springs. I worked there in my early 20s and regret leaving every minute I was away. I was there for a few weeks and was nudged to apply for a full time position in another department. I had an interview and then a second interview and it went great. I got the job! This place is my home away from home. I would never leave there if I could. I would stay there if they let me. The property is 800+acres of pure amazingness. God's hands protected the property from the Waldo Canyon Fire.

On a happy note on my weight loss.. Here is a current picture of the progress.  I can see the difference in my face but also pants that I haven't been able to wear since right after I got married, I CAN FIT INTO. I am not sure that any one is reading my blog, but I am so happy. I am starting to love me again.

SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED.

I got a job. Its a part time very temporary job, but its in the best place in the world. I worked at this place in my early 20s before starting at Carnival Cruise Lines. Here is a pic of where I get to work every day

That is the parking lot where I work. Its the most amazing creation from God, and I am blessed to work there. It is a castle. WHO gets to say "hey i work in a castle" THIS GIRL! I work with the most amazing team of people! you can even stay in the castle www.gleneyrie.org check it out!

I am almost done with school. I need to get back on track with my weight loss. I am going to start on swimming! I swam in middle school and was amazing at it. I competed internationally and did great. I was awesome at the butterfly and the back stroke! I cant wait to get back into it again! And finally start to lose this weight! By christmas I will be a size 16 or 14!!

In Arizona

My husband had training for work in Scottsdale Arizona and I tagged along with him. I have had the time of my life. I got my toes and nails done and been walking around in 112 degrees weather. I have actually been loving this weather. It reminds me of when I lived over seas. And loved it. I think I would love to live here. My husband says no. But i love it here. The weather is just amazing. We have been swimming each night and just enjoying myself. On a happier note, my previous employer is not fighting my unemployment! That is a good thing. Ok good night cyber world.

And Unemployed....

So a lot has happened in the past few days. On Friday, after almost four years with my job, I was let go.  I gave that company blood and tears and countless trips to the doctor for anti anxiety medication...they let me go. I cried for about 12 hours, and slept the best I have slept in four years. So I am starting to look for a new job. My entire adult life I have always had a job, or going into a new job. Its scary. What if I don't have what it takes to be in a new job again. One that isn't working from home. I have worked from home for over a year...this has contributed to me putting on weight. Since I have not being sitting at a computer for 10 hours a day I have actually lost 5 pounds. Its insane. Total I have lost 28 pounds since I started this weight loss journey. I am going to buckle down and get into my goal pants. I have them! They are so pretty. Size 14, I know not tiny, but They are so pretty. I have them in my room I see them every morning and night and even say "hi" to them. Sad I know....

Today I went and spoke with my previous boss at the conference center. They are looking for a temporary employee. I would do anything to work there again. I left after my husband and I got married cause we needed more money. Now, I can't even think about putting a price on the happiness working there brought me. When I got home, I started praying about what I would say if they offered me the job. I will say yes. Its in the field of what I want to do after graduation and something that I can do well. So tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it, mine or any one else's. Good night cyber world.

Unemployed and Frustrated

As of Friday I no longer have a job. While I am happy not to be working for that company anymore, I am scared about starting new job. I can finally have a life now and see people and friends but every time I talk about doing something, my husband makes a snide remark about not having a job. Its been 2 days. I have applied for 7 jobs since I  got fired. Its not like I am just sitting at home doing nothing. I am applying all over the place to get a job. No one is responding to me about employment. I am praying that I find something soon, cause he will only get more upset if I don't. I love my husband more than life its self. I want us to be financially stable and happy, but I don't know if i can give him that. Ugh I need a drink.

At home Sick

Today, I am sick. I haven't been sick in....oh about 3 years. I try not to get sick and when I do its bad. I am still working today as I have no more sick time and no PTO time. I have no voice either. So working on the phones with no voice is kinda awkward. I have lost my umph for weight loss and need to get it back. I don't know how i am going to get it back, but I am going to find a way. I am going to start a pin up board....that sounds wrong but its not dirty. I am going to start pinning up things that I want to wear and do when I lose 80lbs. So i put up some before pictures and here is one recently.

It's Been A While

Wow, so much has happened this past month. We had a huge forest fire about 7 miles from our house. The Waldo Canyon Forest Fire. It burned down over 350 homes and killed three people. Not only the fire, but my step-dad was admitted to the hospital last week. He has since been released but it was scary there for a while.

I have been slacking on the exercise lately cause of all the things going on. The fire is still not fully contained. They think it will be by tonight. My husband and I stayed up watching the flames a few nights, it was so sad.

out of sync

I feel like my life is out of sync at the moment. I try and think positive, but I just can't find solid ground to stand on. Work might not be much longer. They keep changing things and its making me think that I won't have a job much longer. On the other hand, we might be getting another dog. Luna needs a brother or sister. I found one named Charlie and he is so cute! I already love him. OK, well I am emotional trying not to break down. So I am going to go now.

HAPPY 100 VIEWS

I woke up this morning and went to see how many times my blog had been viewed...and 100 times!!!!! Are you kidding me????!!!!???? thats awesome. I don't know who all is reading it, cause no one leaves comments...and that is fine with me! So moving on to my post of the day.
My luna is turning 2 next month, and we are having her birthday party a little earlier. Its actually going to be on sunday. I will post pictures for sure. As you know from reading my earlier posts she is my everything. I love my little girl...for those who don't know, she is my dog not my child. Today is my day off from work and I slept from 9 last night till about 11 15 this morning. I must have needed it. I have walked my mile and a half already and thats about it. Now I am camped on my couch napping and watching Ghost Hunters on the SYFY channel. Luna is laying at my feet and just happy as can be. I have mouton O laundry to do but I can do that while sitting. I love this day. its been amazing. The only bad thing that is hanging over my head, is my step dad. He has cancer and isn't doing so well. Its been eating away at him for 3 years now. He has had so much Chemo that he has no eyelashes no facial hair or leg hair. I love him so much and to think about him not being here, kills me. This is a pic of my step dad.

If you are reading this please say a prayer for my step dad. He is the most hardest working man I have every known. He loves my mom till the end of time and He has a heart of gold! OK well I better start the attack on my laundry!!! Tootles

My Life.

I am a little obsessed about taking pictures of myself...its pretty sad really. If you open my phone and look through my pictures you will see pics of Luna (my dog) and snap shots of me trying to look hot...doesnt always work. But I did take this pic recently and I figured that I have my before picture, I need a during picture. So here ya go.

I love this shirt by the way. I cut my hair. Took about 5 inches off. I needed a change. One thing I have noticed since I started this weight loss adventure is, my belly button is not as deep... lol I know that sounds gross and weird..but its true. I work from home and wear sweat pants all day and since the dawn of time, my sweat pants have had the draw strings tied at the same place. I HAD TO UNTIE THEM AND RETIE THEM!! It was the best thing ever. Well, I am beat and my pain meds are starting to kick in and things are getting woozy. Good night Blog world. 

UPDATE

I haven't posted in a while. Some things in my personal life are going up in smoke. My step dad has cancer and he has gotten worse, and my energy has been to go to work, do homework and try not to break down and cry at the drop of a hat. Last night I was going through pictures of him and made me smile and laugh and be happy. So I decided to put my big girl panties on and get back to my every day...ON A HAPPY NOTE..... on Saturday my hubby and I went out to dinner with a friend of ours and he noticed I have lost weight. I havent really been trying lately to lose weight cause life has been derailed lately. But it was nice to know they notice now. My hubby hugs me and calls me tiny. I LOVE THAT.

yesterday

Yesterday was the first day in years tha I felt pretty. I went into the office (i work from home and dont have to actually go in to the physical office often) for a team meeting. I had about 4 poeple tell me  I looked good. I was like WOW thank you! I got my hair cut on tuesday which was great cause I LOVE THE CUT! its short and angled in the front. Kinda like a backwards mullet, but cute as heck! I bought a pair of pajama pants at good will a few nights ago and they are an xl. I havent been able to fit into an XL pants in 4 years! I am excited that this weight loss thing is starting to show results. Its so discouraging when you work so hard and you dont see anything come from it. I am starting to see results now. picture to come....

Getting Down To Business!!!!!!!

I havent been doing everything in my power to lose this extra weight. I bought a shirt the other day that was a size 18/20 and it fit. I havent been able to fit into an 18/20 in at least 3 ish years. My mom has been doing weight watchers since January and is as skinny as a rail! I am so proud of her. She deserves to be happy and skinny. I am going to be that skinny too. I have a goal. The goal is to wear a bathing suit with no shirt over it and no shorts in a pool. If i can, get into a pink polka dot bikini. I only had a bikini once and it wasnt a good sight. I can do this. I just need some motivaiton. So here is what I am going to give myself when I get into a size 10. I am going to go into a store in the mall and buy an outfit that isnt in the plus sizes. I cant wait. I am going to rock this!

Date Night

Tonight the hubby and I went on a date. We went to PF Changs and OMG it was so good. We dont usually eat like that or thta good, and it was amazing. Then came home and did some laundry with my homemade laundry soap! And the hubby did some dishes. He is the most amazing partner any one could have asked for. I have one more day of work this week and then I am going to be making this house my B$%!#. I am going to scrub and scrub! I see these TV shows where moms and wives work all week and keep a clean house. Why cant i? It bugs me. Well I am getting sleepy so gonna go now.

Monday

This day was never ending! But it was actually the first day that I felt a difference in the weight loss journey that I am on. I know this is going to sound so stupid, but my belly button wasnt as deep. Since I have a huge belly, by button was deep. But its not any more. Its getting shallow. I heard somewhere that there was a woman who was so overweight she thought she had an inny belly button, but it turns out she has an outie. Her fat had totally taken over her button and made it an inny. how gross is that? well my meds are kicking in. Going to sleep now. Night world of blogging.

Sitting on my couch on pain meds...

I got an AB LOUNGER 2 ! Its a machine that helps you do crunches. I am up to 125 a day. OMG my stomach muscles are so ouch! I also got the work out video with Bob Harper. He is the yummy southern instructor on THE BIGGEST LOSER! That work out kicked my ass! There is no other way to put it. Tonight I am taking a break from working out. I have lost 4 more pounds this week. So I think I can just chill tonight. My husband is a pilot and right now he is on a flight from Omaha back to home. So being alone I went wild!!!! I cleaned the kitchen and took a bath! I know right? Then I decided to start the Christmas gift ideas. Last year I made all of the Christmas gifts I gave out. I crocheted hats, scarfs, phone covers, pot holders...you name it I made it. This year thanks to Pinterest, I am making all sorts of cool things. Jars of sugar scrubs, jars of dried mixes. The best part of being home alone, well not totally alone I have Luna, but the best part about being home alone I can make my list  of stuff to make and let me creative juices flow. I have always wanted to make crafts ever since I was little. I would beg my mom to keep old pringle cans and egg cartons for art projects. I was a weird child yes....I know. But see it my way, I was the youngest for a VERY LONG time and when we moved over to the middle east I didnt have many friends. In turn I made my own entertainment. Being a chunky person my whole life I had to create my own fun a lot. Not alot of people want to be the chunky kids friend. Those who are and were my friends I LOVE THEM. Dont get me wrong I am thankful for my friends and their amazing influence they have on my life. I would rather have two close as heck friends then a bunch of not friends.

Since my weight loss journey, one of the goals I have is to get my back to stop hurting. In 2006 I was picking a chair off the floor and my back just snapped. Luckily I worked near where my mom worked and I called her crying cause I couldnt breathe, couldnt stand up, I was hunched over like a hermit. To get to my mom's car I had to be wheeled out to it. LONG STORY SHORT---- my back has never been strong since. It hurts to stand for long time, it hurts to walk for a long time. Even laying for a while, it hurts. I am currently on pain meds that make every ache and pain in my body go away. I cant feel my toes sometimes when taking this medication. Its some great stuff.

I got a compliment at my job this week. Those are few and far between. We are recorded on all of our calls and then from those recordings we were evaluated. One thing that you have to do on the calls is make an emotional connection with your caller. If you miss part of a call three or more times you get coached on it. Well I try and make that emotional connection on each call, but my job is so repetitive that sometimes, its more like "GET OFF MY PHONE NOW". But my call evaluator this month told me during our coaching "listening to you is great, you make my job easy" I have been at this job for almost 4 years .I havent been at a job that long in my life. I didnt think I would have been there this long. If I hadnt started working from home, I would have quit. A regular that I talk to every day got me on the phone and they said "OH THANK GOD SOMEONE WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE DOING" Its nice to know that I know what I am doing. I usually just BS my way through my day. Well that is enough rambling tonight, I am on my pain meds so I should probably get going. Till tomorrow :-)

Thursday

I just finished my finals for the classes I have been taking. Its such a relief to have them done. I have "spring break" this week, but I still have to work which sucks. I want to have some time off from both. Get my house clean, get on track with laundry again. OH THAT WOULD BE GREAT! I have mountain o laundry staring at me in the face. It sucks. I am so tired. I didnt get my walk in today. Just have no motivation :(

Up in the middle of the night

I am awake...shocker I know. I am trying to figure out how to get on track with this weight loss challenge I gave myself. My goal is to be a size 12/14 by the end of summer. I know that sounds like an "out there" goal, some people have already told me that I wont be able to do it. Or I will fail epically. I kinda want to smack them in the face and show them that I can do this. I didnt wake up early today and go for a walk like I wanted too.

Other things are on my mind right now. And I cant seem to turn my brain off and relax. I finally confronted my dad about how he makes me feel when he makes snide comments about my weight. He told me that he loves me no matter what. I know he loves me. He is my dad. Here is a pic of my dad and me. This was at my wedding 4 years ago.

This was when I was a size 18. Two months after I got married my best friend got married and I was a size 16 at her wedding. Looking back at these photos I really can not wait to be that small again. I know that size isnt small, but to me i was happier and better looking back then. Anyway back to my dad and my conversation. I was my dad's little girl for a long time. Then he remarried and his new wife had a daughter. I love my step sister and dont resent her in any way! But I dont think my dad loves me as much as he loves her. She is so talented and pretty. And she is skinny. She is smart, and just perfect in every way. I cant measure up to that. I am going to try to though. I am going to reinvent myself and make myself better. I will love myself more and my husband will see me as a trophe wife. Here is my husband and I. I love him a whole heck of a lot.

SUNDAY!

I thought that this day would never get here! Its my day off! Oh how I love my days off. But this is a special sunday! My sister is 14 today. She is an amazing young lady. She is so smart and funny OMG is she funny. She can be a pain in the butt, but most siblings are. SHe is one of my best friends. I know that I would be lost with out her in my life. Here is a pic of my sister.

She is my world. I love her! OK enough about how much I love her, which is a lot. I haven't been walking as much as I should have been this last week. Work has been insanely busy and I just have NO energy afterwards to get up and go. BUT I did acquire an  AB Lounger 2. It assists with doing crunches. I am now up to 100 crunches a day. OMG i was so sore the first few days but now I love it. It feels great!

Roasted Red Pepper Chicken Alfredo...

This is what it looks like when you are done! Its so good!!!!

Here’s how I made it:

Start out with 2 red peppers on a sheet tray. Stick these into a preheated 500 degree oven for 20-30 minutes.

While those are cooking away, chop some onion

and garlic.

Saute these in some olive oil until tender, about 7 minutes or so.

Once the roasted red peppers are all charred and dark looking, take them out of the oven and cover with foil. You want these to cool because they are hotter than the sun at this point in time…

Now, back to the onions. Pour in some fat free half & half

along with some garlic and herb goat cheese. I got this at a grocery store called New Seasons Market. I just started shopping there recently and LOVE it. Basically, it’s like the Oregon equivalent of Whole Foods.

So, you just want to stir the cheese and half & half in together until the cheese is melted into the sauce.  Keep this warm over low heat.

Now grate some parmesan cheese. Please find and use the good quality stuff. You’ll know it’s real by the rind. If the rind has parmigiano reggiano printed on the rind, then it’s good.

At this point, your red peppers should be all wrinkled. That should make it super easy to peel the skin off. Remove the stem and seeds too while you’re at it.

This is what they should look like when you’re done. Chop these babies up

and toss them into the sauce with all that cheese. Stir until the cheese is melted.

Now comes the fun part. Grab an immersion blender and puree the peppers and onions together to create your alfredo sauce. Feel free to do this in a food processor too. I like mine sort of on the chunky side so I didn’t go buck wild with the blending.

Once you’re sauce is done, toss in some pasta and that’s it!

Hello gorgeous! I added extra cheese, salt, pepper and parsley to make it look purdy.

Don’t you want to dive right in? Yum yum yum times a million.

I didn’t bother with plates…

Hope you guys give this one a whirl! Dessert to come on Friday! 

Roasted Red Pepper & Goat Cheese Alfredo

Ingredients:
2 whole red bell peppers
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 small onion, diced
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 cup fat free half & half
4 oz. garlic & herb goat cheese
2/3 cup grated parigiano reggiano cheese
1/2 cup artichoke hearts (optional)
1/2 lb. linguine, cooked to al dente
salt & pepper, to taste

Directions:
Preheat oven to 500 degrees. Place red peppers on baking sheet and bake 20-30 minutes until peppers are charred. Remove from oven and cover with foil 10 minutes.
In the mean time, saute onions and garlic in olive oil 7 minutes or until tender. Pour in half & half, goat cheese, salt & pepper. Stir to melt goat cheese into sauce and keep warm over low heat.
Uncover peppers, peel off skin and remove stem and seeds. Chop into large pieces and place into sauce along with parmesan cheese. Stir to melt cheese and remove from heat. Pour sauce into food processor and puree, or use an immersion blender. Place back into hot pan and toss with cooked pasta. Taste and adjust seasonings. Top with more parmesan cheese, pepper, salt and parsley, if desired.

venting

I love my friends! Tonight, I am just so down in the dumps and I text a friend. He makes me feel so much better! Brian you are awesome. I am getting up early tomorrow to go work out. I have to start doing something other than just walking around the block. 8/12 some of my co workers and I are going to go do the incline here in Colorado Springs. For it not to kill me, I have to start somewhere! Going to bed now!

Tuesday

So today is my day off from work. I wanted to get some homework done, so I sat down at the table with my laptop and my notebook for that class, and I just can't get into it. I am uncomfortable all over! This makes me start to have a panic attack. I hate myself right now. I hate the way I look, and feel. I hate the way I dress. I hate the way my hair is. I hate everything right now. My house is clean! Thats the only thing that I like right now. My amazing friend Barb came over last week and scrubbed my house while I was working. She is a God send. With out her I would be buried in a dirty house. I need a vacation from my life...Can you take those? Oy I am going for a walk to clear my mind. I will write more later...Not sure who is reading this, but if you are reading this..say a prayer for me please.

Trying to get inspired

I have been feeling really down on myself. I dont feel that I am good enough for anyone. I dont deserve to have the things I have or to do the things I do. I want to be a size 12/14. I will get tht size, its not going to happen over night and its going to take hard work. I can do this!

Up with a stomach that hates me

Its Saturday night, Easter eve. My stomach is on fire. not sure what is wrong with it. I had chicken for dinner...and peanut butter for lunch. LONG STORY! To start it off, my internet went down today and I work from home, so it was either go into the office or call out sick. I cant use sick time for that, so I had about 30 mins to get into the office. I hadnt showered and was in my jammies. Then I didnt get to actually sit in my own desk so I looking through my friend's desk to get food..she had peanut butter. Not exactly what I needed, but it woke me up and got my stomach to stop making noises. Then I came home and the honey brought me dinner. I have papers due for school and I am pulling my hair out. BUT THE GOOD NEWS from this awful week, I have lost 3 more pounds. I wish I had lost more, but it is what it is. I started watching the biggest loser, and I went as far as filling out an application for it and making my application video to get on that show. I then thought to myself, I dont need "bob" the trainer yelling at me and telling me I am fat and to move my ass. I can tell my self that, and do tell myself that often. So I am going to work extra hard this next week and lost 5 more lbs by next week.

Saw my mom yesterday and she is so tiny right now! She is doing so great! Just wanted to give you a shout out momma! I love you more than candy!

"I wont let you close enough to hurt me"

Right now I am listening to the Adele song "turn the tables" the best line of that song is "I wont let you close enough to hurt me". Its true. I am not an easy person to get close too. Things happen in my child hood that caused that. What can you do? So this day has been one crap storm after another! The alternator in my car went out and had to pray that I got to the repair shop in time. Other wise I would have been crying on the side of the road! I have two huge projects in school due this week and havent even started them. My house is a mess, and I am losing my mind.

On a happy note, I havent gained any weight. Havent lost any, but havent gained either. That is a good thing. So I am staying where I am for now, I will work more at it when I am not so stressed. My life is hectic and I like it most days but right now I am stressed. Gonna go clean...

More to today....

Its been a rough day I guess you could say. I am stressed with school and need like 6 days off to get these projects done for it. I am going to DeVry University to finisih my degree in Business Admin. I want to be an event coordinator. That is my end goal.

The things that calm me down are "Criminal Minds" killer scenarios. I know that is sick and twisted. But I see those types of things and my mind calms down. Its odd. But it works for me. Right now, a few mins alone with SSA Hotchner would be great. I need a punching bag or something that can relieve some of this pent up stress and anxiety! Went for a walk, but that didnt help. Sat in my sauna,....that didnt help. Going to try and just take deep breaths.:-(

Day 5

Luna (my dog) and I were in the mood to walk around our block twice....ok I was in the mood not her. She was dead to the world when we got home. So tired. You would be tired to if you legs were 3 inches long. :-) Shes my little princess. I am planning her birthday right now. She will be 2! We dont have kids, so this is our baby. Weight loss update. Havent weighed myself this morning. Started work at 6:45 my time, so my brain wasnt awake enough to stumble onto the scale. My break is in a few mins so I will go upstairs get some water and weigh myself. Update to come.

Day 4

Had a great day with my friend Jodee. Sat in the sauna for probably longer than we should have, but I feel so much better. Went to lunch and then came home and went for a walk. I needed the walk...man I sound like my puppy! Then started cleaning my office. It was getting under my skin, that I couldn't even step in there. Jodee came over and saw the office, and I was mortified. Mapped out my hike for the dreaded "incline" if you wanna research it, its the Manitou Incline in Colorado. This is what I am gearing myself up too...I am scared but I can do it. I weighed myself again today and it went up. STUPID BURGER yesterday. So I have to be extra careful during my next work week. Well I better get back to cleaning my office. I have "Criminal Minds" in the back ground so I have some company.

Day 3

OK, so I weighed myself this morning after I woke up and went to the bathroom (I have always heard to weigh your self in the morning after "going") I have losed a total of 6 since starting this weight loss program that was a week ago. I am not getting my hopes up to much about this cause I can drink water and gain 10 lbs...so we shall see tomorrow.

To day I ate a hamburger (I know!!! not very diet P.C) but it was a small one and no fries! And lots of water. Then I had dinner with the hubby it was yummy. Made my tummy heart though, so not to happy about it. Tomorrow is my day off and my amazing friend Jodee is coming over. We are going to sit in the sauna and have the stress of the work week melt away. Then I am chained to this house until I feel its clean enough...um that might be never OY. such is life. Tootles for now.

Day 2

So I have cut out sugar. That includes soda. OMG what have I gotten myself into? My normal routine is get up mosey on down to my office and clock in. BUT to wake myself up in the morning I usually grab a coke to boost my awake-ness...since I am no longer drinking soda, I drank water. In high school, I would drink water in the morning and get sick :-( It didnt make me sick, so this is a good thing. I had buffalo chicken nachos for lunch, SO GOOD. Worked a few more hours and now off work. I work from home, so its nice when I am off early I can come upstairs from my dungon of an office and get things done around the house....ok ok usually I lay on the couch watch Food Network, and munch on food. Today, I came up stairs and took a shower and did laundry. Its to windy to go outside...I know I am a whimp but I dont like wind. So I am trying to keep my body moving. My back isnt like that, but the end result I will. Also hanging out with my Luna (shes my 2 year old puppy)

OH LORD, its me again. This is at my yearly Christmas tea with my mom and Grandma and sister. I love my hair in this picture, but thats about it. 

The Before Picture! (oh its dreaded!!!!!)

This is me on a "cruise" with my friend Kristen. As you can see I need some work.

Day 1

So where do I start? I am 25 years old and over weight...can you guys that from the title? I have been over weight my whole life, well as far back as I can remember. I was active in elementary school on the swim team and did really good. But was still chunky. The girls on the bus would call me pancake face. Then middle school happened and I just kept getting bigger. I didn't eat right, and I didn't exercise the way I probably should have. A few times my best friend in middle school and I got up early to go running at the school. but that only happened once or twice. My parents divorced when I was little, not saying that added to my over eating and no moving, but it added stress to my life. My mom and dad both remarried, and that brought even more stress to me. I never felt good enough for my step mom, and to this day honestly I still don't. I feel that she judges me for some reason. And that reason I think is cause I am fat. If i buy something while I am out with her that is either food, or large clothing, then to me I always think she is saying"you don't need that." I love my step mom, don't get me wrong I love her very much. I just wish that I could be better for her some how. 

My other family members also haven't made being chunky any easier. My brother, who is the golden child of the family is fit. He was a wrestler in high school, and continued to keep in shape. His wife is also very thin. She made a comment to my sister about me making bad decisions when it came to food to my little sister, and that hurt me deep. She had only  met me once and she was judging me on account of what I ate that night. I can't even remember what I ate. 

My mom and her husband are always supportive when it comes to bettering myself. They even paid for me to be on Jenny Craig before I got married. I lost a ton of weight then and looked amazing on my wedding day. I didn't feel fat or heavy or anything. It was a great day. Looking back, I would do anything to be that size again. 

All the time, my dad is saying "if you just cut out sweets, you will lose weight." or "if you stop drinking soda you will lose weight" its like is there nothing else on your mind then my weight? seriously it drives me crazy.

The only one who doesn't make me feel like a fat slob is my husband. I love him to death. He is my high school sweetheart and I would be lost with out him. He has seen me at my thinnest and my heaviest (which is now) and he still tells me I am beautiful and he thinks I am sexy. Babe, you are my everything and I promise to be make our lives better with this weight loss journey.

So here is my challenge to my self. To eat right, and to keep a food journal and an activity journal. I am starting the Weight Watchers Points Plus Plan this week. And I am going to be strict about what I eat and when I exercise. So not sure any one will read this, but I am determined to get healthy. To me, its not about being stick thin, its about being healthy. The smaller pants will be a bonus :-) So here I go....